Desire, Deviant, Gift, Pleasure, Safety, Spank, Trust -

Spank You Very Much!

Believe it or not, spanking is not something that is reserved for freaks and sexual deviants.  In fact, it’s very main stream. A lot of people do it to add a bit of spice into the bedroom. It doesn’t necessarily have to be related to pain and punishment. It can be a very sensual, loving exchange between two partners. In fact, most people have considered doing it at one time or another.

If your partner has told you that they would like to incorporate spanking into your sexual relationship, there are some things worth considering while you decide whether or not this is something you're comfortable with.

1) This has likely been something that your partner has been fixated on, and fantasized about, for many years, possibly since young childhood. For many, it was their first sexual trigger. Your partner can no more stop being aroused by this than they can stop breathing.

2) Understand how difficult it likely was for your partner to bring this up. Because of the association with childhood punishments, this desire is something that many are either initially shamed by, or keep very private in order to prevent being judged or mocked.

3) It requires a great deal of trust to open up to another about such a deeply personal desire. It requires even more to place yourself in a position to be physically harmed. This display of trust should be recognized as the gift that it is, even if you do not share the desire.

4) This desire is part of your partner, and probably has been for longer than you've known him/her.

Safety first!

I think it goes without saying that was is most important here is everyone’s safety. Even if you think you’re going in with the intention of mild play, it’s important to prioritize safety. Not only is it possible to get carried away, but whoever is receiving the spanking will feel a lot more relaxed and reassured if they know that there is a limit. The best way of doing this is a safe word. Choose a word that would be completely out of context in a normal exchange. A good system is the traffic light system. Every now and then, ask your spankee how they’re doing. If they say “green” then you know it’s all good and you can carry on. If they say “yellow” this means slow down and check with them properly, and if they say “red: you MUST stop immediately. The spankee doesn’t have to wait to be asked how they are either, and at any time can say “yellow” or “red”. So what we have here, is the spankee actually being the one in control of the entire situation.

So how do I do it?

The best way to start is to put your partner over your knee. Sit on the bed, far enough back that when they are over your lap, they are also leaning on the bed. You don’t want them to be uncomfortable. Start with gently rubbing and caressing the bum. Knead it with your hand, while your other hand gently strokes and caresses their neck and back. You want them to be as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed they are, the more they’ll enjoy it.

Then start to make gentle swats. Leave a bit of time between each stroke and use that time to carry on rubbing and caressing. As you go on, make the swats a little bit harder each time and the time in between each one a little bit longer. Remember to check with your partner that they’re comfortable and happy with the pace.

From there on out, it’s up to you. The best way to decide how far to take it is communication beforehand. The more you speak about what you both want, the better it will be. Remember to start out slow. You can always pick up the pace at a later stage.

For more kinky information, read Bondage Basics and Roleplay Revelations

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