My Tips to a Worry-Free Dating App First Date
**This blog was written by Blue Masoka - The Ethical Slut**
A month ago, I joined a number of online dating/hooking up apps that I perceived as a best alternative to Tinder, I spent 8 weeks on them to fully understand how they worked and what makes them special for our local market. Besides the fact that these apps have a similar interface, the common thread was that most of them still have a handful (if not a bunch) of weirdos.
This is why I felt it was fitting to do a follow up story on how you could ensure that your first dating/hooking up app date goes well. But before I give you these “safety-first tips” I feel I should share my latest experiences.
Date 1: The Stallion
After swiping and matching with The Stallion*, we chatted a bit on the Happn app to get to know each other a “little more” better. Because let’s be honest - a witty bio and best angled or filtered photos aren’t really a selling point for me. What works for me is someone who can hold a decent conversation. The Stallion* and I chatted for about 4 days before we settled on meeting in person, and he asked if I could pick a time and place.
I’ve been going to these first-time dates for a while now, the joys of being single! So, when it comes to picking a meeting venue, I sometimes prefer a spot that isn’t too busy or loud, but also it isn’t secluded.
Disclaimer: I have a list of 5 perfect first date restaurants in Cape Town to avoid bumping into regular faces. Writing this down makes me wonder what does the staff think of me rotating these matches? Oh well, I am The Ethical Slut after all!
I arrived 15 minutes late (on purpose) and found him casually sucking on a beer. We’d established that we are fans of burger and beer, so that’s what we had. However, on this night I chose not to drink, because not only was I driving but I also wanted to know if I could wake up next to him sober… wink wink!
I don’t feel he was ready for me to be sober, but nonetheless the conversation went well to a point that I completely forgot to even notify my friends that I’d arrived at the date, let alone giving them an update during the course of the evening.
When the bill came, I asked if we could split the bill, which he was comfortable with. Some may call him a cheap skate, I prefer handling my own to avoid any unwanted expectations. I feel he was a little bit surprised by me asking to split the bill and maybe the reason why after 3 hours we decided to extend the night of laughter to another restaurant.
He was a lot more relaxed at the second venue (that he picked), and at this point no one could tell it was a “first date” and I must say, I had a fantastic time. Also, one of us was tipsy, and I noticed how his body language changed, from sitting across from me to a lot of touching, caressing and stolen kisses from time to time.
Are we still in contact, yes of course!
Date 2: The Fit Chef
Then there are also times where I get super casual with someone and decide to hell with it, “can you cook for me?” And that’s exactly what The Fit Chef* did, regardless of matching on Bumble.
He made an amazing vegetarian meal. And even though I was late, he still waited to dine with me. Here’s what I liked about this date, I’m not vegetarian, yet he first asked me if I had any food dietaries and offered to cook whatever I want. But seeing as he’d gone to such measures, I figured why not eat a vegetarian meal cooked by this fine gentleman.
We both remained sober throughout the night, which I must say I liked because we got to know a lot about each other in 5 hours. Our conversation topics varied from politics, books, music to sex until I saw a big knife on his kitchen counter, and we joked about “what if he was a serial killer?!?!” Luckily, he isn’t because I wouldn’t be writing this if he were right?
I asked him why he’d left it out in the open, after he’d explained, I told him why it’s not ideal to leave sharp items as such out when you’re hosting someone for the first time - I stay cautious! Eventually we laughed it off and spent the rest of the evening talking under a sky full of stars whilst listening to some Al Green.
I could’ve spent the night, really, but I’m not one for love - I was there for “passion”. So, I excused myself and drove back to my place with the biggest smile that evening, or was it 2am?
5 Tips from me to you…
- Ask your match to share their social media handles with you. Yes, this is open stalking or an amateur background check! This way you get to know the persons interests before meeting them in person. And if they aren’t on any social media platform, you’re on your own. Personally, I don’t trust people who aren’t on social media.
- Try to agree on the amount of time you’ll spend with each other on the first date. First dates are meant to be exciting and well planned out, even though they aren’t guaranteed to turn out well! I find it rude when someone wants to meet over a 30-minute coffee as if we know each other, what this says to me is that you want to screen me like it’s an interview.
- It’s common that you’ll tell that one friend of yours once you’ve arrived at the date. But I feel that you should also let your date know that you’ve told some friends about the date. This way your date shouldn’t find it rude when you keep checking your phone from time to time or ask to be excused to go to the restroom. This can be a good ice breaker, depending on how you word yourself.
- Who should pay on the first date? Even though gender doesn't really have much to do with who pays for a date these days, I feel that it’s important that you make sure you have your own money, we’re all feeling the economic pinch in South Africa. If your date offers, then that’s fantastic, but you should offer to split it first.
- Be yourself! Smoke if you smoke, drink if you drink – responsibly that is, ask plenty of questions if you’re a curious being, be sensitive to anything that seems off. My point here is, the moment you’re yourself, you’ll be comfortable, and you’ll tell from that first date if this person is here for a long haul or just a hit and run vibe. I’m tired of this whole “first impressions count the most” notion, it is outdated.
Talking Pleasure Is My Business
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