A BDSM Party

**This blog was written by Christine**

Most of the cities will have enough of a kink community, that there will be a party or gathering every month or at least a few times a year. If you are interested in BDSM, this: and the workshops that the same communities will often host, are some of the best places to go. It is there that you will learn so much and meet others that will make you feel a little more accepted than your vanilla friends may do.

What is there to learn? you ask: - or even if you didn’t ask, I’m about to enlighten you.

If you want to role play at a BDSM scene – like “bend over, you’ve been a bad girl I'm going to spank you” – then no, you most probably don’t need to learn much. If you want to take it further, then there is so much you should be aware of. Let’s start at the more obvious: 

  1. How to use the impact implements – even your hand. There are places that you can smack, paddle, flog, cane and other things and there are places on the body that you need to be very careful with, or avoid altogether. As my Dom likes to say – you want to hurt your toy not damage it. Wielding a cane too low or too high can cause nerve damage – just one example.
  2. How to do other non – impact plays, for example, a knife play: and before you make noises in shock and horror – I’ve converted many a person to knife – including vanillas – it can be so sensual and so spectacular, but once again, there are places that maybe one shouldn’t go near with a knife – I’m just saying
  3. Get ideas of different things to do – ways to extend a play.
  4. A safe place to play with experienced people around to help and monitor

 The less obvious: and these are more on the psychological side:

  1. What is subspace and sub drop – a blog for another day
  2. How to keep a play interesting
  3. How to keep a bottom on their toes (not literally)
  4. What the psychological impacts of a play can be
  5. Aftercare – emotional, physical and mental

So now you think OK maybe going is an idea worth considering, but you are scared, embarrassed, don’t know what to expect, what will be expected of you, and I know: when I decided to go to my first party I got cold feet in the carpark – ended up in tears, refused to go in and made my partner go in to see what it was like – yes I can get a little over the top sometimes.

Here is what I wish I had been told before I went:

  1. It is not an orgy (go to a swingers party for that) in fact at most of them in JHB, public sexual acts are not allowed.
  2. No one expects anything from you – they will greet you; most probably ask what you into and then leave you alone. So, you can sit in the corner and just watch if that’s what you want to do.
  3. People are very friendly and open – very open, very very very open – they will quite happily discuss their BDSM proclivities with you and describe 100 ways to torture someone with a vibrator, or feather, or anything else they decide to try.
  4. They love talking about kink – especially their favourite toys – so you may find that you regret asking “ what flogger do you prefer” once he has taken every single one out his toy bag and explained the intricacies of each one too you.
  5. You will see lots of spanking, some roping (actually lots of roping), maybe a rope suspension or two, some sensual plays, some flogging, some paddling, some knife and variations on this – you won't often see much more unless its an extreme party and that is where the hook suspensions and the more extreme plays happen.
  6. You can play, you can sit and not play, you can learn or ask for guidance, you can be quiet – you decide what the party is for you.
  7. Respect, a lot of respect, sounds weird I know considering that we busy doing odd things to each other – you have to experience it to understand

It’s a community of like-minded people – like any other community you find for your hobbies and pastime pursuits – and like any other community, there will be people you like and people you don’t, but it will be a community where you will find strength, guidance and people to talk to.

Hopefully, I will see you soon, come say Hi to MommaBear!


1 comment

  • Annushca

    Hi hi
    Are you having a bdsm party-Please send me some info?
    Thanks!

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